just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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