Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
