grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
