I will die if light touches me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
