just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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