whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
