just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
