Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
