I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
