how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
