3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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