you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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