so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
