just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
