she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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