Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize
