Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
