"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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