i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
