like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
