i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
