So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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