I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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