I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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