just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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