I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
