A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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