i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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