Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
