It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
