porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
