You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
