So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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