my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
