I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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