When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
