Duck Duck Cougar?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
