I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
MIDGETS
????
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
