just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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