wanna go halves on a baby?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
