so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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