I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize