Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
