he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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