his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
