Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
