the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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