Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
