She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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