I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if only i could text you this smell
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
