please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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