it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
