dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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