i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
