I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
