I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
