dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
