I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
