Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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