I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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