she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
