Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
