I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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