Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
