he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pants are for mortals
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