He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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